The Unspeakable Loss: How Do You Live After a Child Dies?

This is an excellent book that captures the depths and agonizing pain of my grief. I was especially appreciative that this was specific to the loss of a child as this type of loss is so different than any other type of loss and most books on grief are more generalized. I felt understood and wished everyone could read this because they would get a small glimpse into what I am feeling right now - a pain that is indescribable and unyielding and crushing. I felt as if the author and I were mourning together. I cried throughout the whole thing. It was painful, but I didn’t feel so alone. It was so relatable, non-preachy, and gives the reader permission and flexibility to just be. I would recommend this to anyone who has lost a child.

As a grief counselor and LCSW I think the book is very helpful and it addresses nearly every issue and question bereaved parents present. I run a grief book club for a community of bereaved parents and this book was selected. I think it’s a helpful read for bereaved parents and those who support them

This book was great for the loss of a child or anyone for that fact. Good and easy read.

My grandmother ranted and raved about this book. She couldn’t put it down and could relate so much to it after my mother died young. Highly recommend to someone struggling wjth grief

When Nisha Zenoff’s 17-year-old son, Victor, died in a hiking accident at Yosemite, she was a practicing grief therapist. When the policeman came to her door to tell her of her son’s death, she felt her heart explode in her chest, and in the following months and years she found no solace in all the knowledge that she had accumulated and used to help others. Her grief was so profound that she didn’t know if she was going to live, but promised herself that if she did, she would write a book to help other parents whose children had died. With "The Unspeakable Loss: How do you live after a child dies?" Zenoff has fulfilled her promise and has done so with deep understanding and compassion.The loss of a child provokes a grief unique in its depth and devastation. All that felt normal in a person’s life is destroyed. In the aftermath of this event, it’s almost impossible to think that one can ever experience happiness or joy again. Zenoff assures readers that they can embody the sweeter emotions again and even more. Toward the end of the book, she writes, “When grief breaks your heart open, it’s as if a powerful earthquake has rearranged the landscape around you. You cannot see the world in the same way again. Yet the grief journey through this altered, upturned world can eventually transform pain into a deeper appreciation of the mysteries of life and death, a sense of awe, a sense of purpose and of peace.”To achieve this, however, is not a simple or easy task and each person’s path is singular, unique. Zenoff’s book offers a multitude of riches to assist grieving families as well as more distant relatives and friends, all of whom are affected, many of whom are baffled by how to respond as well as deal with their own feelings. The question-and-answer format is an effective method to cover and respond to the myriad issues people face. Interspersed in Zenoff’s counsel are sections in which she exposes her vulnerability and personal pain with specific events surrounding Victor’s death. She offers suggestions that might be helpful in certain situations, including expressing your feelings, writing, and practicing self-care in a variety of ways. Also included are the poignant words of parents in various stages of grief culled from the women and men Zenoff interviewed. Their testimonies are raw and unsparing, but beautiful in their honesty.This is the kind of book that people will return to and find new things each time. It is a gift to those who suffer the loss of a child as well as to those who surround them. Written with great love, it reassures the living that they can maintain a relationship with those who have died through loving them, talking about them, feeling their presence in their lives. It’s possible not only to live after a child dies, but to be happy and to thrive.

A worthy addition to the bereavement literature canon! (Full disclosure: Nisha is a cherished friend.) Since joining the awful bereaved parent club eight years ago, I have read literally hundreds of books about child loss and grief. What Nisha has so generously shared is 37 years of experience as a bereaved parent and decades of work as a therapist, much of it invested in work with people trying to endure loss. She has assembled all her wisdom into this very accessible and comforting book. I think it was brilliant to have the book in short sections; grieving people often have short attention spans. I also think it was brilliant to organize it so that you don't have to read the entries in a particular order. You can look in the index for what may be giving you the most trouble at any given point and then just go to that particular entry. Nisha's voice - and the voices of other bereaved parents - ring true. This is a book that achieves maximum inclusion for any and all grieving a loss: whatever your experience, your views, your opinions, you will feel heard and validated. Reading it, I felt as though Nisha was sitting beside me, her hand gently patting my back, and a soft voice saying "there, there." It is an immensely soothing read. I also think it is the perfect book to give to family and friends who may be open to learning about what parental grief is really like.

I read this book from cover to cover, in one sitting. This book describes Nisha Zenoff's aching journey in the aftermath of her son Victors death in a hiking accident, just before his 18th birthday, some 35 years ago. Nisha Zenoff has been to hell and back. She returns from hell with a map of her journey, and invites us to be moved, enriched and educated by those like her, who have been there too, and come back with important lessons about being human. This book is a tribute to Victor's life force, but not only. Zenoff has a searing ability to speak direct to the reader, to feel, to weep with her, to learn from her and open up to the mystery of life and death with her. This book is also pragmatic. Zenoff is a psychotherapist and grief counsellor. She has condensed the world of bereavement, the research, the wisdom, the field of care and trauma recovery, into important lessons for anyone in the throes of death and its impact. This book is accessible. The experiences of so many mothers and fathers, Nisha Zenoff's extended family, her clients bring her messages to life, with no judgement, with respect for diversity, and deep regard for the dignity, beauty and mystery of every person. This book is a gift I will cherish, and reread as I learn to befriend death and relate with those who have died, and those who love them, whose lives are changed forever.